Pictures of You
by ahaxamazingxsin
Summary: Remus is leaning out his apartment, and falls upon some pictures of Sirius. RLxSB. Slash. Songfic to Pictures of you by The Cure. preTDH.[ON HIATUS]


**A/N: SLASH! to anyone who hasn't figured that one out yet. It's slash. and its pre-Deathly Hallows material. So Remus, is obviously not dead, and neither is Tonks, and there's no Teddy.  
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**A/N: Thanks to Do, who edited this for me. She was needing slash and I had it. All is well in the world now that she's got her slash and I've got my new fic.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Or anyone else mentioned in this fic that were mentioned in any of the 7 HP books. I also don't own the song used, which is Pictures of You, by The Cure. If I owned either, well, I wouldn't be here rignt now, now would I?**

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Part 1:

The Cluttered Corner 

Remus sat there, going through everything in his shabby and filthy apartment, cleaning it bit by bit, methodically and slowly.

It had been a week since he had left the place, and he had promised himself that he was not going to leave until it was spotless. He never cleaned his apartment with magic, he always went through everything, one by one, so he could make sure nothing valuable was thrown away.

It was routine from him to do this every solstice, but he hadn't cleaned since Sirius died. It was too much pain from him to endure, too many tears of anger, of sadness, tears that he refused to shed.

He was now to the last area of his apartment, a little corner across from his twin-size bed. In this particular corner there was a pile of boxes on one wall, and on the other wall there was a stand that held framed photographs. In the boxes were all of the pictures that he had ever taken, ever been in, and ever loved.

Treasured memories.

He took a deep breath, and stood before the cluttered corner.

"You can do this, Remus, you can do this..." he took a deep breath and knelt down, ready to go through the pictures.

He first came to a box filled with old, black and white photographs taken all throughout his childhood. He set the box aside carefully. He wasn't going to throw those away. The next box he came to was one containing all of his holiday photos. He put those aside also. Remus went through box after box, hoping it wasn't _the_ box.

At last, he had finished sorting through everything. He had a very large pile of boxes of the photos he was going to keep, and one photo, a blurry one of James' eyebrow, that he decided to throw away, despite how amusing it would be to keep it. The weathered man sighed and looked at the last box. It was the dirtiest one, and it was labeled 'Sirius' on the top in his own carefully neat handwriting. He sighed again, and then opened the box. The first thing that he saw was an old black-and white photo of him and Sirius on a wall somewhere in downtown London. The photo has been taken when Remus's hair was longer, and Sirius was going through his angsty, ruffled hair phase. Remus smiled a little and picked up the photo, letting himself absorb the memory.

_London had decided to bless them with a bright sunny morning, and the two had decided to go out and just walk for a bit, before meeting up with Lily and James later. Remus had just bought a cup of coffee at the small, quaint coffee shop that they always went to, and merely wanted to rest for a while. He was still aching from last night's transformation._

"_Why the hell are you drinking coffee? It's 40 degrees outside!" Sirius commented, and Remus turned to look at him._

"_What the hell are you wearing all black for? It's 40 degrees outside?" Remus mimicked teasingly._

"_I am expressing myself with my clothes. You're just plain old insane."_

"_You are the one running around with a werewolf at night."_

"_I do that because I love you. That's a totally different type of insanity."_

Remus allowed himself to cry one single tear, but blinked the rest away. He was not going to lose it over some dusty old photos, even if they were of Sirius. A cold sensation flew up his spine, and he shuddered. It felt like someone was watching him, but when he turned around, with his wand drawn, there was nobody there.

"I'm just imagining things… he's dead… remember?" he was talking to himself, another sign of insanity. He smiled a sad, somber smile and struggled to regain his composure

_**I've been looking so long at theses pictures of you,**_

_**That I almost believer that they're real.**_

_**I've been living so long with my pictures of you**_

_**That I almost believe that the pictures**_

_**Are all I can feel**_

He looked at the picture, trying to keep the heartbroken smile on his face. He picked it up and outlined Sirius's laughing figure with a dry fingertip. One tear. That was all he would allow. One tear. It rolled down his cheek and with a silent 'plop' landed on the wooden floor.

"Back to business, Remus," he told himself, and he started going through the pictures again. There was one photo that caught his eye, it was one of him and Sirius, they were holding hands in the pouring rain. Someone nearby took the picture, and it was one of those cameras that developed the photo on the spot. Sirius was wearing muggle blue jeans and a deep red button up shirt, his hair was a mess and his eyes glittered lightly. Remus was wearing jeans as well, but his were not like the crisp, ironed, clean ones Sirius wore. His were shabby, faded, and his rips in them. He was wearing a faded green t-shirt and a camel twill jacket, with patches and rips in it as well. His hair was long, and tied back in a ponytail at the back of his head. He sighed and let himself walk through his memories.  
_"Remus you don't have to do this!" Sirius shouted at him as he walked away, and Remus looked back._

"_Yes I do! Don't you see it? Don't you see how the look at me? They look at me as if I am a person on the side of the road, begging for money, and that's what it has come to! I have nothing here! No job! No money! No home! I have to go!" he shouted, and Sirius shook his head as the rain started to fall._

"_No. No you don't have nothing. You have me." He said, looking up at him. Remus couldn't tell if there were tears of raindrops running down his face._

"_Sirius we can't do this! We are fooling ourselves doing this! We have to hide it and I cant any longer! I can't be in this place!" He said, and Sirius gave him a terribly look of disgust._

"_Since when do we have to hide it? What does it matter… if people know? I don't give a shit what people think of me! I LOVE THIS MAN!" he cried, and the passersby stopped to stare at them, "Yeah! THAT'S RIGHT! I LOVE HIM! AND IM A GUY!" Sirius spat, and they all walked away, giving them looks of fear and disgust as they passed. "So what? I don't care if they know! I want the whole world to know that I love you." He walked up to Remus and threaded his fingers through his, and stood there, and looked into his eyes._

"_You cannot go work with the dragons. I won't let you. It's too dangerous. If you get hurt, I don't know what the hell I'd do. And you can't transform there! There are too many people. At least here I can keep an eye on you." He half laughed and looked down at his shoes._

"_I can't do anything here, Sirius. Theres nothing here for me,"  
"Talk to Dumbledore. He's got the Order, at least if you join the Order, I can join with you." He smiled at him, and kissed him._

It was then that Remus let himself start to cry. Tears rolled down his cheeks fast, and they soaked his tattered wool sweater. He closed his eyes and let tears pour from them, some hitting the floor, some falling on his shirt, some falling on to the photo. He opened his eyes and wiped off the picture with a towel.

_**Remembering you, Standing quiet in the Rain**_

_**As I ran to your heart to be near**_

_**And we kissed as the sky fell in, holding you close,**_

_**How I always Held close in your fear.**_

Remus put down the picture, and sat there, trying to make the tears stop, but the task proved harder than one would think. He got up slowly, his entire body ached,as if it was the morning after a full moon. He couldn't move, so he gingerly pulled the wand from his back pocket and summoned a towel from the bathroom to wipe his face. Sirius would have been there, to wipe his tears, to tell him that it was going to turn out all right.

He placed the towel down after gently wiping the tears, careful to not break the dry skin that covered his face. He then started to go through the photos again, setting the last one he looked at aside, though not into the 'throw away' pile. The next photo was one of Sirius, James and Peter, all in their animagus forms. Remus had took the picture, on a cold, crisp October night in their 7th year. James had been terribly bored that night, along with Sirius and Remus (Peter was doing a Potions essay that was due two weeks prior). They had, very oddly, finished a week's worth of homework in one night. There was nothing to do on that Saturday night, and they were just lounging around in the common room, James had accidentally squashed the snitch an hour ago ('Damnit! I guess I am stronger than I expected…'), and Remus was done with his book (A muggle book, _A Farewell To Arms_) and Sirius was done with polishing his broom.

"_I'm bored." James said, his feet up on the table, kicking his shoes off and undoing his tie_

"_And we're not?" asked Remus, who was thumbing through the book, unfolding the corners he had used as bookmarks._

"_Lets go outside!" Sirius said, getting up and summoning his, Remus's and James's invisibility cloaks (Peter had lost his)._

"_And do what?" Remus asked, and Sirius smiled. Remus felt shills run through his spine, that smile always made him melt._

"_D'you got your camera? We haven't taken pictures in ages." He said, and James groaned._

"_Pictures? Come on…"_

"_Yes! Pictures! I bet you Moony has no pictures of us as animals."_

"_No, I don't." Remus admitted. The whole time Peter was listening, yet not paying attention._

"_Ok then its settled. We are going to pose for Moony." _

_-an hour later-_

"_MOONY IM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sirius bellowed, and Remus smiled lightly_

"_not so loud Sirius, contain yourself." Remus chuckeled and took the camera off the tripod._

"_I cant! I hate you!" _

"_Why, again, do you hate me?"_

"_I don't want to pose anymore!" Sirius whined, and Remus rolled his eyes.  
"oh, yes, and you would rather waste away your hours in the Gryffindor common room?"_

"_no." Sirius said sheepishly. Remus's smile widened.  
"Then shut the hell up." Remus said bluntly. Sirius transformed himself into a big, shaggy black dog and he rolled around in the grass. Remus looked up from the tripod and laughed, and Sirius instantly sat up and started barking. He started panting and Remus smiled and pulled a dry stick off a nearby tree._

"_Here you go! Go fetch!" Remus said jokingly, and threw the sick. It didn't land too far away, but Sirius didn't move. He hated it when people told him to fetch._

_Remus tried to make his fascination with Sirius less obvious, but he couldn't._

_He was in love. _

Remus smiled. The four of them got detention that night after going outside. They had came back in at twelve in the morning, and woken up half the castle while doing so. It was the first, and last, time he had gotten detention. He placed the picture into the 'Keep' pile.

_**Remembering you, running soft through the night, you were bigger,**_

_**And brighter**_

_**And Wider than snow**_

Remus went on to the next picture. It was a posed one of himself and Sirius in Sirius's house.

It had been about five years ago when Sirius went back to living at his parent's house, and he thought of how much it killed him to go back. He had begged Remus to let him stay at his apartment. He hated that damned house. He has promised himself he would never go back, he wasn't part of that family. He never had been, and never would be.

He was so angry he had to go back, but he would do _anything_ for the Order. After everything they did for him, after trusting him, after letting him back in, after _risking their necks_ to keep him safe, he thought it was the least he could do. He thought that moving into that house would be okay for him.

But in the end, it really wasn't good. It made him even more cynical and angry than he had ever been before.

He knew that one day, when he left that house, something would happen to him.

He wanted to be caught, and he wanted to just let go, he didn't want to be there anymore.

The house drove him crazy.

The portrait of his mother, looming over him, made him insane.

Remus sighed and delved into the memory…

"_Remus, for god sakes Remus, Remus LISTEN TO ME!" Sirius screamed, and Remus whipped around._

"_What now Sirius, what now? I told you I'm not letting you out of the house. I said it once, I'll say it again. No." he said, and Sirius looked at him, and then collapsed onto his knees and started to cry._

"_Sirius, Sirius, Sirius please. Just stop." He put his arms around him and let him cry._

"_Sirius I love you more than I love anything in the world, and that's why you need to stay here. You need to stay here, stay alive… Sirius if you can't do it for yourself, do it for me. Do it for Harry. We don't want you dead."_

"_Remus, but I want me dead! I don't want to be alive, if I have to be alive here! I hate it here! I hate this godforsaken house! I hate the fucking picture of my goddamn mother! I hate that nobody ever comes here, I hate being alone Remus I hate it." He sobbed into Remus's shirt and Remus felt his eyes stinging._

"_I know, Sirius, I know. You think its fun for me? Its not. I hate, hate seeing you like this… but I cant do anything about it. I come as often as I can, and I try to get others to come too, but theres not much that can be done until You-Know-Who comes out in the open…"_

"_Then Remus just let me die…"_

He would scream at Remus every night for not letting him leave the house.

He would scream about Harry, and James and Lily and Peter.

He would fall asleep in Remus's arms crying.

But, finally, he left the house,

Sirius knew leaving the house would kill him,

But he didn't care. He couldn't give less of a fuck if he died.

He was out.

And then he died…

_**Screamed at the make believe**_

_**Screamed at the Sky**_

_**And you finally found**_

_**All Your Courage**_

_**To let it all Go**_

_**Remembering you**_

_**Falling into my arms**_

_**Crying for the death of your heart**_

_**You were stone white**_

_**So delicate**_

_**Lost in the Cold**_

_**You were always so lost in the dark**_

Remus sighed and stood up.

He would come back to this later... right now, he needed a break.

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**A/N: and there ends part 1! It's a 2-part songfic, so the second chapter should be up within the next three weeks ish.**

**R&R!  
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